Different kind of hunger....

Still don't know if I'm writing to you, for you, or if it's more "voyer"? Writing for myself...and you are "lurking" or reading over my shoulder...I read your posts and ... well, yours are both kinds of writing. I'm hungry to understand this whole blogging thing. I'm a bright girl. This experience challenges that confidence, however. When I read your comment...I want to reply to it immediately...but I want it to be easy...like hitting "reply" to an email. I also want to be able to add you to a place for myself...to follow your blogs easily. I want to add that email option to my profile ( I think that's where it goes?) I'm hearing myself....like the old days....wanting 25 years of sobriety/abstinence and all that comes with it, at 30 days! I want to add a second & third "counter" so I can share my food sobriety as well as my GS food day count. Oh,.....I can hear her...addict annie...I want I want I want....I I I ....so it's time to just put out a request for help...Ok... steve...when you have time maybe we can do some of this together. I'm not surprised that I'm liking this blogging idea. I crave "communion" with my fellows, although I must be careful...it can so easily become an obsession...I love technology, I love new things and figuring them out, Love success, learning, talking, hearing, reading, connecting, having this computer and the vast possibilities and opportunities it affords....

I'd have none of this if I wasn't sober from drugs alcohol and food sober....eating a weighed commited meal plan that omits all my bingefoods and trigger foods...today I am clear headed, aware, willing, commited, grateful, happy, smiling, excited (not the warning kind of excitment on pg 88, but the expectant, vibrant, involved, alive kind of childlike giddy jumping up and down, sometimes inside myself, sometimes outwardly...with great joy). I truly have concern for my fellows and put the time in to being there...much like that which was (and is) given freely to me.

The food thing brought me to my bottom...so although I honor and cherish my 23 years of sobriety, food sobriety is where it starts for me. That's where I really live...it's who I really am. 24 years ago I was the angriest person I knew, 164 pounds heavier, looked really old for my young 26 year old self and woke up everyday wishing that I hadn't. Thank you Jesus....that it's not like that anymore. God, you are a good God. Thank you for the 12 step way of life. Whatever I did to get here...in the 12 step fellowships...and in the warm firm lap of my Abba Father Daddy God...I'd do it again...go through it again....but by His Grace...I hope I don't have to....