~My birthday is coming....I'm turning 50!On Groundhog's Day....
That Does Not Seem Possible....
I feel like a kid. I look like a kid.
In March I will celebrate (God' Grace Provided) 24 years continuous sobriety in AA
That is nearly half my life.
~My baby sister just had her birthday this past weekend...
Being just a little more that 11 months apart....
For ten days each year, she and I are the same age....
Growing up, we always celebrated our birthdays together, the Sunday between.
....that seemed so unfair as kids...
We both felt ripped off...all those years...sharing that celebration...
the opportunity to be noticed, important....special.... was rare...
and this took it away completely.
Being raised in an alcoholic home, there was precious little attention...
Add to that Dad's long term illness which finally took him when I was 11
really left 6 kids pretty much expected to not have needs...or at least not voice them.
Of course his illness required so much time focus and attention.
As a kid....it just seemed natural that I be put aside for something as important as illness.
As an adult...I know that impacted everything about who I came to be...
...and the belief that I didn't matter.
That all got unraveled and healed in the work of the steps...
Thank you God...
Thank you AA.
~God doesn't make mistakes...
...being able to love my folks,
...who suffered with the same demons and diseases....
...who hadn't found what I was granted in the 12 Step Family...
...loving, forgiving, extending understanding, gentleness, courtesy...
...acting with purpose and compassion...
I learned that as a result of finding AA (OA, GS, OA HOW, ALANON)
I found AA as a result of the very childhood experiences I had...
None of it will be wasted...
There is a job for me to do....
and I'm uniquely qualified because of my specific past...
God is the ultimate Economist...
He doesn't waste a thing....
I'm healthy, happy, relatively sane (on most days) and willing to "hear and obey".
Making myself available to be His hands and feet...heart and ear...everyday...
I get to live a second life....
Much like my cat....
I like to think, making a fuss over my sister's special day
as well as being present for my own...
Is my way to live out my amend to those I hurt by being a sad disappointed little girl.
~ I say..."Who has it better than us in AA?"
"NO ONE!"
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4 comments:
Hi, Kathy!
I know what you're saying. I'm going to be 52 in two weeks and I feel the same way I did when I was 32. Where does the time go? A year ago I was struggling with "fear of aging" issues, but now I've come to appreciate my sobriety and blessings more. I suppose that's the good part about getting older, becoming wiser:D
You have a great attitude, God Bless.
Beautiful post - well said.
Thanks!
I feel a bit older some days. But all in all, my thoughts are still young. I remember my mother telling me that she still felt like a young girl on the inside--that was when she was 90!
Thanks for your wisdom.
Oh I just found your blog and LURVE it!!! Great blog...thank you so much, if I can add you to my blogroll I would be grateful.
Thank you!
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